Dealing with death and loss of a young loved person and friend

I was in my home town and really looked forward to meet one of my best friends for a walk. After she got out of her car and we said hello, I felt instantly that something was wrong. I asked her how she was doing and whether everything was okay. She looked at me and answered “Kathrin died last week. I wanted to tell you in person, not per phone. Due to covid.” It sounded wrong and strange. It was like she said it in another language and I didn’t understand it. We continued talking, but it took half an hour for my brain to process what it had just heard. I think I was in a shock. The grief came later when my heart started to realise it.

Kathrin was 31 years when she died. She was a close friend of mine since a very long time. Kathrin married the man she met when she was only 15 years old. She is the mother of two beautiful children, one is 2 years old and her youngest is only 2 months old. She gave birth to the child one month before she got infected. Due to her pregnancy and her young family, she was very strict with the Corona restrictions. Then she had a meeting with a guy from an insurance... I don’t blame him, it is a pandemic, it is a virus not a bullet from a pistol and it is nobody’s fault. Instead I hope he is doing well and I also hope for the peace of his soul that he will never know what happened after the meeting.

She became ill more and more and the stuff in the hospital fought for her life. In the end the virus destroyed her lung completely. A transplant lung would have saved her, but you know…lungs are quite rare these times. She died.

Her case is in its own way unimaginably cruel and tragic. All my thoughts are with her family and Simon, her husband. I know you have to be strong for your children, Simon. I can’t even imagine how hard it must be for you as a freelancer with two such young children to get along with the loss of the love of your life. However, I am sure you will be a wonderful father.

I wanted to scream into the world how unfair this is. She was too young and her children, especially her 2 months old baby need her. The covid restrictions were loosen and I saw an infinite number of people celebrate their lives. To be honest, this was hard for me to see in my grief. Especially because it had the same context, “covid”. My friend died, others just want to drink alcohol as much as they can and act like there were never such a thing like covid. I knew that my thoughts were complete nonsense, but my brain connected both events.

Nevertheless I knew all the time that this is not how life works. Life doesn't differentiate between fair and unfair, black and white. Our logical mind just want to find a clear line for a better understanding. Beyond the logical there is not such a thing like a line. Life happens.

Everyone deals differently with death and loss and this is okay. Find a way to release and express your emotions. It could be through any kind of art. You don’t have to be good in what you are doing. Just sing, or draw or play some accords on a musical instrument. You can deal with it through talking with family members, close friends or, if necessary, a therapist. Go for long walks and spend time in nature. Nature has miraculous healing effects on us. Find your own way. Just do yourself a favour and don’t run away from it. Allow yourself to feel pain.

Death and loss happen daily. Right now. Some elderly fall asleep peacefully. People die in wars or due to hunger. Kathrin fought the fight for her own breath probably until her last breath. I know she fought for her children.

I already had to deal with death and loss before in my life. Nevertheless this time, it felt like I was almost in control of my grief. I was really sad and I allowed myself to grief, but I decided HOW I would do it. This was an exceptional feeling.

The death of my friend Kathrin showed me how unpredictable life is. Most of us think that we have time for doing whatever we want to do. We think we have endless opportunities. The truth is that our time on earth is limited. We are mortal. The awareness of it changed the way how I live. Be aware that you are mortal.

One of my most favourite quotes of all time is “How rare and beautiful it is, to even exist.”

It is indeed magical. Wake up every morning and be unbelievable grateful that you are alive. Your problems does not matter first thing in the morning, you can solve them later. YOU ARE ALIVE and this is so wonderful.

You have the opportunity to give your own life a miraculous meaning. You don’t need money for it or a high graduation. You don’t need to be the boss of big company. You don’t need to travel around the world to find yourself. You don’t need thousands of so-called friends. Look out of the window into the world right now, feel your body and breath. It doesn’t matter in which circumstances you are in, you already have everything you need to give your life a meaning.

The moment you understand that you are mortal and that you are alive right now, everything becomes beautiful and magical. Every flower, every leave of a tree. Every raindrop, every sunray. Every stone. Ever laughter, every smile, every kind word. I have a snake phobia for example – even something you fear becomes beautiful and unique and you become fascinated by the wonders of life.

Enjoy your journey of life with all the ups and downs. Sometimes you will cry and feel anger. Sometimes you might think life is unfair. Sometimes you might stumble or break your nose. Sometimes you have to deal with loss. It could be a break up, moving to another city or a death of a loved one. Some people will leave this world too young.

Keep your eyes open for all the beautiful things and people along the way and you become grateful.

Overall don't fear death, just because it is unknown. Acceptance, gratitude, and creativity are the keys. Accepting death and being grateful to ascend to a higher dimension of creation is a beautiful thing.

I thought a lot about whether I should write this article or not. It is a very personal story and the pain of loss is still fresh. This article was my way to express my emotions. I don’t want to show you an instagram-version of life, but how unpredictable life really is with all the ups and downs. However it is MY DECISION how I deal with the ups and downs. Within my greatest pain, I want to spread hope and love. This is what life is about. Live it. Every moment. Value your own life. Give your life a meaning. Show empathy towards others and help wherever you can. Have a good heart.

I started my article with talking about death and ended it with life.

You can do that, too. Everything will be okay. It is just temporary.

~for Kathrin, 4th of June 2021. Energy never completely disappears. I am sure your family and especially your children can feel you, wherever you are. You had and still have a beautiful soul.